Friday, July 27, 2007

Where am i ?

"I wonder why. I wonder why.
I wonder why I wonder.
I wonder why I wonder why
I wonder why I wonder !"

---- Prof. R.P.Feynman

Starry eyed. Big dreams. Glorious future.
Just a glimpse of what i was, in those days. Dad n Mum always kept me inspired, to go for that extra, and not necessarily be a just another sheep in the flock. I was made to try my hand at almost everything, lest some hidden talent go unnoticed. Unfortunately, no such prodigous ability came to light. A jack of all trades, and abmysal at studies. Well, abmysal means i was just another average kiddo, never topping any exam, never giving anyone the impression that i would amount to anything extraordinary. The jack was just sailing with the wind, when he came to an abyss. 8th std, n i truly put my parents in a tizzy as to wat could be done. The other side of 8th std is agonizingly close to the board exams, and the apprehension was totally justified.
But the abysmal performance seemed to have given me something to ponder, of what would i do as just another average person. So came 9th std. I surprised everyone with an antithetical performance as compared to the last year. The inspired days had begun.
It begun with the NTSE , gettin selected in the 1st round, n going on to pass the 2nd n interview rounds, more so coz i was the only one in the colony that year, which is saying something because The colony is famous for churning out some of the country's finest brains. I was no way even near the level of my peers, but the fact that i was the sole awardee brought in more confidence. The board exams were a breeze.
It was folowed by olympiad n Nts camps, fervered Discussions on scientific subjects, and an innate love for Physics , no doubt shaped by my dad and my IIT coaching class prof. Those were the days i would call glorious. Sitting with a few ppl, n solving our way thru irodov , krotov, and animatedly discussing elegant ways of solving problems, idolizing greats like feynman n einstein, n thinkin about a problem even durin those coveted free hours in Junior coll. Those two years were really the most exercise my grey matter got, and life was really good. How was i to know, that in little more than a few months, the attenuation would began !
I sometimes wonder, where i have landed up. I had dreams of becoming a researcher, a scientist like my dad n mum, just to folow my impulse at that moment, to go free n do what i really wanted, what really gave me immense joy, unleash all the creativity that i could muster inside me, just throw away the pressure of the society that still looks with mild amusement at anyone who trods a line a bit different from the stereotype.
But i landed in BITs. All those entrance exams later, i am now doing what i think half the country must be doing. Engg.
It is a joke really, nothing more than 4 years of beating around the bush, no learning, no nothing. It is a convienient way to hide the fact that the glory days are behind. Just today i was poking around in some unfamiliar territory ( on the net of course :P ), n asked some noobish question on some forum regarding certain javascripts, and was the subject of jeers and spectacular mocking of my ignorance in that forum. It really alarms me to see so many bloody comp fodus in the world, ppl who are so brilliant, so knowledgeable. And i start the introspection, where am i, what the hell am i doing, have done in the past 2 years, or what am i going to do in the remainder of the engg. program. N well i get the answer from my cousin, an IItian herself, nothing. Its perfectly normal to not know anything after engg. Infact, its a matter of great pride to actually remember something from the pre-engg era. Its all about brainwashing, she says. Jokes apart, am i sorry for coming to BITS ? No i say , im happy, its alrite, its the way it works. There wont be 4 years like these again.
And just why have i almost written my biography in this post ? Because there is a high probability that this is going to be the only post in quite some time, as ill be occupied with other things on lan :P. This is a likely goodbye on my front to blogging, at least till the christmas vacation. So cya ppl, 5th sem beckons, cant believe that im half an engineer already, i dunno anything that can be remotely qualified as engineering, but wat the hell, thats the case with the majority. So off i go to start the damn packing, thank god its raining cats n dogs here, so mum cant drag me along to one of her shopping expedietions. To all Bitsians, happy journey, n cya in coll. To all others, tah tah anyways.


Gizmo said...

nice.. can totally relate to wat u're sayin here :P

punchagan said...

cool post dude.. totally agree with what u wrote..
but wud still like to believe that there wud b something learnt in the next couple of yrs.. just to be able to survive thru them.. [hope is an essential artifact.. ]

punchagan said...

ps: kartikkrovvidi ain't appleeater.. its ringo..

9 said...


Full Of Life said...

COOL! But I differ one one point..U STILL ARE A FODU. Its just that other things on LAN have taken up most of ur time.What with the breezing thru phy 1 n 2...stop underestimating urself! Dunno whats wrong with ppl to write such self-accusatory posts. (read Rip van winkle) Anyways..cya on campus!

Full Of Life said...

N not to forget..u r absolute FAB in violin n singing! :D

Oink said...

The LAN is a beautiful and terrible thing, and therefore, must be treated with caution

-- copied from albus dumbledore, Philosophers stone, only replace LAN with truth :)

Oink said...

The thing is, humans do have a knack of choosing exactly those things that are worst for them

ps : humans = me

Oink said...

n @ punch ... thanx ... dunno how n why i put it as apple !

Sindhuja said...

Bye bye to blogging ah?? I thought we people are all the more vetti when at coll??
And hey, one small tip.. You meant "prodigious" I suppose? Prodigal is not associated with a prodigy. And even in that case, you are one. Singing, violin and all!! I so totally agree with FOL!

kniOledge ( Oink ) said...

Ahhh ... another example of the lack of GRE(y) matter !! :P thanx ! @ 'sujatha' ROFL

Full Of Life said...

no blogging during coll??? Weird..coz i seem to be totally jobless!! :D

Gizmo said...

no1s bloggin eh? v finally got lan yoyoyo.. eternal vetti-ness continues!!

rip van winkle said...

naaice one!!! engg bestest brain drain na? :D n helloo?? average jack?? think i can count on the fingers of one hand the no. of ppl i know who play the violin like u do! u were on the small screen for petes sake!! ive never ever been on tv, dammit, not even as audience for some stupid game show!!

Naresh said...

landed here searching for Krotov in blog search (dont ask me why!)
i can totally relate to this post. my school, college life kinda flashed past me as i read it.
yes, Engineering doesn't teach much - a lesson i learnt too late! its the experience of college life that makes all the difference.
anyway, wish you good luck with everything.