There is a certain chill in the air. Almost mocking the intense indian summer, a slight shiver runs through the body at the peak of the afternoon time. I remember, about the same time, 5 years ago, when i was on a trip from trichy to chennai, a similar chill, one that cannot be banished by sweaters and wollen clothes and jackets and the like, made its presence felt like never before. That was one of the longest journeys of my life.
Of course, my time has gone. I am inured to the chill. A hardened soul, if i may say that.
At least, thats what i thought, until today afternoon. Thats when i found out, through some rumour doing the rounds, and then verified via the omnicient internet, that the 10th std CBSE board results are gonna be announced tomorow. Quite a shock, seeing as it wasnt expected until the 29th of may. No, i havent retrograded n all, its my sis who's given those boards. For some really unknown reason, this apparently hardened soul is starting to feel the jitters. It is reminded of that fateful journey, from trichy to chennai. Maybe those first jitters have made a comeback.
It was ominous from the begining. The results were to be announced at 5 pm. I boarded the train at a time such that i would be at chennai, and hence have the internet at my disposal, a full 2 hrs before the results were to be announced. However much i try not to be a fatalist, the quirks of fate were enough to convince me that everything was beyond anything i could do. The train, much to my dismay, and to the delight of the millions of butterflies flitting about in my stomach, was 3 hrs late. Bloody three hours ! That poor little 15 year old kid, having to undergo all that trauma ! I boarded the train, trying not to think. However, just as it happens when you are desperately trying not to do something, fate hands us that very thing in various disguises. In my case, it was nightmares. Only, i wasnt sleeping, and it wasnt night time. Haunted by the much feared number that magically seemed to bind itself to my thoughts like viscid glue, 78%, i spent the journey oblivious to all the comforting that my mum was trying to give me. Afterall, it was my first brush with the board exams. And how was i to know that it would have little or no bearing on anything in the future ? Subsequently of course, the air came gushing back and i heaved a sigh of relief when my atthai ( aunt ) , there to pick us up at the station, beaming, and to the enormous relief of everyone on the train, informed us that i had done quite decently. The coming years would then make me so indifferent to such exams, however, that until today, i had not thought it possible for any such result to take the wind right out of me.
The butterflies have mysteriously reappeared, doing all they can to remind me of that day. Needless to say, my sis is in a much worse condition. She's currently gone for a walk to take her mind of things, but i doubt if its going to succeed. Its after all her first one too, and magnanimous that i am, i have so far refrained from making things any worse for her. ( by of course not reminding her again n again about the impending doom of results ) . I dont think i have the stomach to do it even if i wanted to. For some wierd, unheard of, nonsense reason, im at least half as nervous as her. And i have no idea why. Of course, she's never shown any outstanding promise for expecting anything out of the ordinary from her, but one hopes, again the fatalist tendency creeping in, that when things are out of our control ( and here the optimist takes over ) , the least they can do is take shape for the better.
Well, we'll know for sure by tomorow 5 pm. Till then, ill continue to be a haven for those damned butterflies that are having the time of their life.
ps: dont ask me the results :P