The odds of being shat upon

Yes, so iv copied it from Scott Adams. Big deal. As if we all are not guilty of plagiarism in almost every sphere of life. Back to the story.
I was as usual standing at the bus stop after gettin my a** off the bed in the wee hours of the morning ( 6:45 am ). I usually stand in the Bus stop shade area, and dont have to wait for more than 5 minutes for the bus to arrive. I take pride in the precise timing that iv developed in the only 2 weeks that iv been exposed to the drudgery of work. The only way in which today was different was that i did not have to wait 5 minutes for the bus, i went and stood at the bus stop ( in the shade, i must remind you ) , i couldnt have counted to 5 that the bus arrived. And so i get out of the shade, ready to board the approaching bus in order to get the usual seat that i always occupy (read: have been occupying for 2 weeks ) .

Within those 5 seconds, a crow shit on my head.

Its aim was phenomenal. Suddenly the amount of white matter in my head increased to never before seen levels. From the bird's point of view, it must have been an irresistible target.
Credit must be given to the crow. It waited for the right opportunity and then delivered with extraordinary precision. That bastard must have been eating all night and saving it up for the right moment. The main tonnage hit right on top, but there was plenty left over for my shirt and my arm. If i hadnt seen what bird it was, i might well have thought it to be an ostrich or maybe a pterodactyl or a flying cow or an UFO full of aliens with dysentery.

Needless to say, i missed the bus. Taking an auto i go home, only to find no one in. Okay, so i cleaned up the best i could, and then walked back to the bus stop, all the way, getting reminded of the phenomenal similarities between me and what happened to Scott in New york. And then of course, thinking about the odds of being shat upon so early in the morning.

Lets say there are about 15 million people in Mumbai. Of whom lets say, and this is a reasonable estimate, about a third of the people are out on the streets at about 7 30 to 8:30 am. ( if u disagree with me, this is the starting of the peak hour, when about two-thirds of the population gets out of their homes, however counter-intuitive it might sound). So that makes it about 5 million.
Out of these people, i daresay, not more than a hundred thousand people must have got shat upon in that time frame. thats a 1/50 = .02 probability right there. Further, i was out of the shade for an estimated 5 seconds. There are 3600 seconds in an hour. That makes it a probability of .02 X 5/3600 = 0.000027 . Further, we all know that crows are not creatures of the night. In fact, a majority of crow droppings are observed during the evening time, before they go to sleep ( presumably to avoid sleepless nights ). Lets say, not more than 75 % of crows would need to down load this early in the morning. That makes it a probability of 0.000020 of being shat upon within time to travel from the bus stop to the bus.
I got straight C s in math, so thats probably wrong. All i know is that it was unlikely, and that 'my ps is shit' just got a whole new meaning.
I obviously got late today, and adding to it, my pro 3-week-deadline-but-completed-in-a-week report was discarded away casually with a remark ' this is excellent, you have really done a brilliant job' and then a completely unrelated piece of work given to me for the next 2 weeks, one which involves looking at google page results that would make a honey bee ( that btw, has to visit only about a million flowers to collect a kilo of honey, and which it does too :-\) want to go hibernate, that too on a computer that stubbornly refuses to open microsoft word if it has explorer.exe running.
So if you will excuse me, ill get going outside for now, when there is much less danger of me being a victim of specieal ( derived from species ) discrimination.

The perfect weak

Ok , so what i though had been a near perfect week, what with the godlike GRE n all, turned out quite sour in the end. Primarily because, i found out, to my utter dismay, that i hate, repeat, h.a.t.e work. I hate jobs, and everything that comes along with it. And i had to find that out during my first day at my internship. No, not the 2nd day, not the 3rd, but the 1st. Someone up there was not happy with me having a perfect week, and voila ! No, the internship aint bad. In fact, to most, it would actually seem quite nice. The people are very friendly, my instructor is quite cool, and despite his insistence on completing all the formalities like di-ary, quiz et cetera according to schedule, he is quite a nice,understanding and cool guy, one who, im sure, wont give anyone a B grade for reaching ps a minute late. No, i simply hate it. I guess its like hating having a martian frog liver for breakfast. especially if ur a veggie. i surmise its inbuilt.

So lemme get back to the beginning. It had been a near perfect week. Maybe it would have stayed that way for another day, had i not checked my alternate email address that i never check usually, but which i had given for internship communication,. Any intuition that had no doubt played a mega role in the gre earlier that week mysteriously disappeared and i did check the fateful mail that spoiled my entire sense of euphoria, actually, completely destroyed it. I had gotten a mail from the instructor, that among other things , mentioned that i had to wear formals for work. formals ! that unheard of thing that strikes fear in the most intrepid person (read: me ). I dont own anything close to formal. Unless you count that suit, which i bought out of compulsion. So here goes all my euphoria, and along with it , my glorious week. So mum drags me to one of those never-before-stepped-into formals shops . The nightmare begins.

Now on to the travel. Forty minutes is what i had thought i would have to endure. Of course, the FM radio would provide some relief. Then came the double-triple-quadruple-penta-hex-hepta-etcetra blows. I get stuck in a traffic jam for an hour. My FM headset suddenly stops working.Reach registration an hour late. (which, by the way, was at a place diff from the internship place ) Which actually lasted all of 5 minutes. Then got sent to the company. Then there was an attempt on my life. Then ... screeeeeeeeech. Attempt on my life ? u bet.

They tried to kill me. I escaped, greviously injured, holding a scar for life, but alive. Yes, i almost died. Of boredom. Yes it was the book that i still cant fathom what it is really about, if not beating around the bush trying to say ' Save electricity, Save electricity !'. To make matters worse, the returning traffic was even more horrible. All this on the first day. Blah ! I guess the only bright spot ultimately was during the weekend, when i decided to join CAT classes. No no, going to classes aint my idea of fun. The teacher is hot. Most people would join up just to attend her classes. Anyways, back to the more sombre topics.

I have already got a project allotted to me. here's the catch: Only i was allotted a project. Perhaps i nodded my head a lil bit too much when the project coordinator was speaking. And along with it, a three week deadline. At the end of which i have to give a seminar. The last time i heard, people were still undergoing orientation midway september last time in all ps stations. To top it, i have to share a PC for 2-3 weeks. I get to use it for half the time. Which means half the time i am not in front of the pc. Thats like depriving a crocodile of its teeth for half the day.
And so i stay in that damned place, all day. At the current rate, at the end of this sem, ill have spent more time in the office than i have totally spent in the institute building over the past 3 years. I get so bored, so zombie-ish, that i begin to see strange patterns in things that are usually not glanced upon. For eg, who in the world would give a rats ass for a book titled : 'beeeeeeeep' (censored due to excessive risk of falling inadvertently into the wrong hands) ? well, i had to study it and absorb all i could from it.
All that of course, was before i had found out about this glorious scheme that BEST ( the bus service in Mumbai ) had started a few months ago. Buy a 20 Rs ticket, and u can travel in any bus in any direction for any time for the entire day. So i dont have to wait for my single once-a-decade frequency bus, but can jump buses every two stops, and gleefully reach home. For the first time in ...err .. wait a minute .. its not years, not months, heavens, its been just a day ! Goddamnit , whatever! for the first time in the day, i felt free. Free to get into whatever bus i like, choose the empty bus going someplace iv never heard of, over the overly crowded bus i would usually get into, and all that without taking out the wallet and handing over to the conductor anything. In fact, i quite enjoyed the power of the one, that enabled me to flash it like a VIP flashing his Identity and enter into any bus of my choice. Dang, i sound like one of those employees who have to resort to such things to give them happiness.

Therefore, i have already begun counting my remaining days in the ps station. Thats my best bet at maintaining my sanity. I just want it to end. Fast. And then i can go back to my sleeping-gaming-nowork ritual in campus.
Now i truly understand Dilbert. Iv got to read it again. ciao ( or whatever it is zombies use to sign off) !

IHDNAG AMTAHAM ?

There is a pattern observable in the recent news broadcasts. Perhaps it is a temporary fad. Or perhaps it is basically a radical new methodology. Something very opposite of what Indians are proud to have given to the world. It began, in a major way, with the Gujjar agitation. Then came to the fore the Darjeeling case. And now, the Jammu one. All these headlines have two things in common . One, they resort to insane violence to draw attention to themselves and Two, the demands have been somewhat addressed by the govts.

Is this truly the way a civilised nation works ? It is understandable , that courts and politicians are not really trustworthy, just postponing the tough work of pacifying people from all spheres. However, when was violence ever a cogent argument ? To add to this ludicrous fad, the govts are heeding to their demands. First the Gujjars got what they wanted through extensive unjustified protests. Drawing inspiration from them, the relatively quieter agitation of the gorkhas in darjeeling area have greatly intensified the agitation hoping to achieve the same. The recent Jammu agitation over the Amarnath shrine land allotment got its demands met after a state wide violent agitation. In fact, the opposition to the revoking of the deal has started violent protests in the area. Since when was violence such a profitable path ? Have we forgotten that we are , even today, proud, through the numerous history texts to have intrduced the concept of a peaceful struggle ? This retrograde to the animal-like kingdom, where might rules the roost, is certainly disconcerting.
this, i guess, if not anything else, shows elections are round the corner.